July 15, 2008 at 9:58 pm (Uncategorized)

Hello all its me again. I haven’t been blogging a lot recently and I think that is partly due to my depression.

I’ve been going through a lot recently and I just haven’t  been able to blog, nor  have I had the desire.  A lot of my problems are family related.

My father was in the hospital not to long ago with cheat pain. 3 of 5 of his bypasses have clotted over and now he’s going through a treatment to have more veins created, I think thats right. Basically he’s have a suit put on that creates pressure from his ankles up so that more blood is forced to his heart. I’m not sure exactly how it works but thats about the gist of it.

Also this is my 3rd week without going to church. If you’ve been keeping up with me you know I haven’t gone into a church in some time but now I’m not even making the trip. I would pretend to go to church just by leaving the house and parking outside of a church.

I know I should feel happy that I finally don’t have to get up and go somewhere every Sunday morning, I’ve been doing it for 20 years. But I’m still depressed because every Sunday I have to make it clear that I’m not going.

My next issue is money. When I lost my job at Kmart I had overdrawn my back account the week before so I was broke when I was trying to find a new job.

Now that I’m working at Pappy’s I’m still broke because I wasn’t getting any hours until recently.

I need money so that I can get out of my parents house. I don’t want to live there forever and I know I can’t put up with the BS much longer.

I’m fat. I need to lose about 100lbs before I’ll be pretty again. I’m fat and disgusting. I hate myself and I hate my love of food. When I’m depressed I eat and there for I hate myself and I’m depressed. Start cycle here.

Last but in no means least. I can’t get over my past.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

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